Or anywhere really that resembles our own creature comforts of home. Here are the telltale signs that you are no longer where ever home may be and you are, indeed, living in the Peoples Republic of China.
- Screaming is the new talking. Totally normal. While you initially thought that guy is screaming bloody murder and ready to go postal on the guy next to him, you now understand they are just having a casual chat about the weather.
Driving into oncoming traffic no longer solicits the emotions you once had.This occurrence no longer phases, scares or seems odd to you anymore. Chaos while driving has become commonplace. So has the constant honking and cigarette stench.
The world has become your oyster. Or urinal. This applies to men, babies and pets. Yes, I said babies. Conveniently enough, they all have slits in their britches so they can squat and do their business anywhere, anytime. Talk about total freedom. More often than not, you will find me standing in the subway cars…don’t know whose brown bottoms have been chilling on the seats.
You gage your outdoor activities not by the weather but rather by the AQI rating for the day. For those of you who have not heard of AQI, it represents the Air Quality Index for various locations in China. This measurement spans a six point scale from “Fine” to “Hazardous” brought to us by a cute little cartoon girl mascot whose hair and facial expressions change as the index changes. If she is crying hysterically, that means “Hazardous.” I wonder if the mascot is supposed to soften the blow because it’s cute…at least this issue is taken seriously?
- You are officially a rock star as evidenced by the constant long drawn out stares you receive and people wanting to take their picture with you. Or, if you are really lucky, they will hand you their baby and take a picture of you with said baby. But alas, you are still just a foreigner.
So, who is ready to visit me in China?!?!